time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana

Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

-Groucho Marx